Welcome to October, where everything pumpkin spice is in season! This month, we also observe Mental Health Awareness Month, and I’d like to take the opportunity to discuss a topic many shy away from—grief. It’s uncomfortable for most, yet grief is something we all experience at various points in life, and it can impact our mental and emotional health in ways we may not realize. One of the best ways to cope is to find a safe space to share our experiences, whether with a friend, family member, or therapist. Sharing our stories is essential for healing.
In my practice as a therapist, I’ve seen many clients work tirelessly to manage depression, especially in cases of moderate to severe depression, where progress may feel slow or elusive. For years, the diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) has included a “grief modifier” for those who’ve recently lost a loved one, acknowledging that grief can trigger depressive symptoms. But grief isn’t only about the loss of people; it can arise from unfulfilled dreams or unmet expectations.
When I began exploring grief with clients facing depression, we found that it often stemmed from life events that hadn’t gone as hoped. For many, this involved grieving the life they thought they’d have by now, which also brought up feelings of shame. When we openly addressed both grief and shame, clients reported improved moods and felt more empowered to use the therapeutic skills we’d worked on together.
Infertility is a unique kind of grief, and for those struggling to conceive, it can bring a profound sense of loss and frustration. Many people grieve the fact that they need medical help, like IVF treatment, to have a family. Others may wish they’d sought fertility assistance sooner or feel regret over choices that delayed their journey. No matter the circumstances, infertility brings its own form of grief and often a sense of shame, which may stem from the feeling that our bodies are “supposed” to conceive naturally.
The emotional toll of infertility and IVF treatment can lead to sadness, confusion, and even anger. It’s not uncommon to feel isolated, and well-meaning friends or family may inadvertently make it worse by trying to problem-solve. For those outside the infertility experience, it’s hard to truly understand the complex feelings it brings. You may even find yourself distancing from close relationships due to hurtful or dismissive reactions. Allow yourself some grace if you need to set boundaries or take a step back from certain conversations. During this time, it’s natural to grieve not only the journey itself but also any loss of support you experience along the way.
Grief doesn’t necessarily shrink over time; rather, we learn to grow around it and find ways to incorporate it into our lives. Remember, there is no timeline for grief. Here are some strategies I recommend for those coping with infertility-related grief:
October is a time to reflect on our mental health and the support we need. If you’re on the infertility path, please remember that you’re not alone. Seeking help and finding community, whether through therapy, support groups, or wellness practices, can make a difference.
Wishing everyone a supportive and healing journey this month.
Camille Hart is a Mental Health Partner at Wellnest Fertility, supporting infertility patients cope through individual and group therapy.